I have quit the library, the world must be coming to an end. This is closing a chapter in my life and I will miss my library like crazy. Sean and I are together, trying to balance love and life, but aren't we always. I find myself struggling for true happiness, I am content, but what is happiness? Perfection is unattainable, but what is close to perfect? So I am trying to find my happiness in everyday life.
I'm getting a portrait of Jim Morrison tattooed on me this month as an ode to the era and the 27 club. As a sort of dedication to the time period I was meant for. And then on to my tree of life. I plan to have a few tattoos, but mostly where no one can see them, my own dedications and my own secrets, some things just for myself, and my life journey.
I miss my Papa and my Granny. I miss my father and brother and the relationships I need with them.
For some reason since a young age, God has seemed to have it out for me, I know everyone goes through trials and tribulations. "Hey, It could be worse, you could be like me,(continue with sadder story)."
I want to be the original Mallory, what happened to my uniqueness and strangeness and creativeness? I have stopped reading, listening to my records, going to church, painting, etc. I work, eat, sleep, smoke.
I've dedicated my new year to slow down with Mary and go to the gym more. I reason that if I can get some weight off and get my endorphins flowing my happiness will increase. I will hopefully find some of myself I have seemed to lost and find some of myself that is unknown.
We shall see what 2011 will bring.
